Conflict and Type
When conflicts become reoccurring or frequent, type is a useful tool for building a clearer communication picture.
Not surprising when people are in conflict they most naturally fall back on their strongest preferences.
The table below provides information on how you may self-reflect on your responses to conflict or to identify the preferences of others are using in a conflict.
Preference
Behavior
Ideas for Communicating When You Are This Preference…
Extravert
- Tend to talk louder, faster and know that if they say one more thing the whole issue will be cleared up.
- Desire to talk about the problem now.
- Stop competing. Remember to listen rather than always be the one talking.
- Say your piece and back off. Allow the other person time to respond.
Introvert
- Have a disadvantage during conflict since they like to think through all the issues.
- May pull back or walk away.
- Force yourself to speak on the issues. Above all, do not avoid conflict by being silent.
- Ask the other person to be silent for a while and listen.
Sensors
- Tend to argue the facts, the more specific the better.
- Prone to sidetrack the bigger issue by focusing on smaller less relevant issues.
- May nitpick.
- Try to explore the big picture implications and impact of what you are saying.
- Avoid bringing up the past to sidetrack the future.
Intuitives
- May make broad generalizations, often blowing a specific incident into a sweeping pattern.
- Respect that specific facts may be necessary to resolve the conflict.
- Avoid trying to win the argument by only focusing on the big picture.
Thinkers
- Tend to get too analytical.
- Often miss the people side of the issue.
- Know when to stop analyzing and competing.
- It is okay to lose the argument. Life will go on.
Feelers
- May give in before an issue is resolved to establish harmony.
- Tend to personalize everything, even things that weren’t intended to be personal.
- View disagreements as something to be avoided.
- Face the conflict. Stand tough and don’t avoid it.
- Avoid saying, “I’m sorry” or “You’re right” as much as possible. It’s ok to disagree.
- Stand your ground. Remember not all criticism is directed at you.
Judgers
- See things in black and white — they may demand that others do so.
- Issues for them are simplistic in nature — it’s either this or that, right or wrong, good or bad, etc.
- If an issue isn’t yet resolved, don’t say that it is just to bring closure.
- Stop and listen.
- Allow for some latitude for the other person to explore different aspects of the subjects.
Perceivers
- May play all sides of an issue. Few things are black and white.
- Want to keep issues open for more data, other possible solutions, etc.
- Use negotiation skills.
- Stay focused.
- Set limits for yourself on just how long a situation may be kept open.
Resource: Type Talk — The 16 Personality Types that Determine How We Live, Love and Work,
by Otto Kroeger and Janet M. Thuesen
“We find comfort among those who agree with us – growth among those who don’t.”
Frank Clark